Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
