You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
