There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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