worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm like, not good at living.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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