She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
