Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
