i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When are your genitals available?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
