Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
