You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
