are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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