Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
