i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
