I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
