those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
