sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
