Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
