So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
