yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
