Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
