Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
