it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
