You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
