I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
