margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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