she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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