We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
