You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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