She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
