She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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