Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
