Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
