i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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