You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
