Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
