too bad you live with your parents still
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
