I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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