i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
