I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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