I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
