1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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