My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
