I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
