Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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