You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
