Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
