Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
