I got her a Nickelback box set.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
