Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
