I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i've created a new STD.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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