Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
