Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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