I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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